Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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