there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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