Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
