I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
