Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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