I just saw a hot homeless man
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
