'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
