I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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