I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
worst night to have a conscience
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
