can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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