mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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