I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
