please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
