he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We are all done wearing pants today
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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