Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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