My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
