Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
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I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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