I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
