You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
whose parrot is this?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
