pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
