wake up i wanna do it froggy style
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
