shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
