The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
