Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
