i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
