Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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