but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.