I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
