Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"