I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
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Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story