i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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