I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
