im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
