you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
