last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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