If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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