That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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