ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Come on in and take your pants off
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