found the other keg... it's in the tree
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
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I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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