also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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