Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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