They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
