I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
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I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
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me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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