His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
