At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
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