I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
