btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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