I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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