those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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