I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
