oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
