if i can run in heels then i can drive
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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