Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
