Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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