just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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