So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
