So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
