I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
