i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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