She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize