I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we're making bets on your personal life
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
