I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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