At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize