I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She's the barista slut.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
