I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
