That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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