Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
