Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
