Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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