idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you win again, gameday.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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