the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
there was a trapeze. enough said
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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