You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
