but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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