just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
