I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
