I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
