Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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