absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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