Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
