Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
