I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
