So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize