you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
