OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
