I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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