I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just want nice things and good sex
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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