i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
